Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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