just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
