Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
