I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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