i just made my gag reflex go away.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
