Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
