Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
