Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
