So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
