Whod you bang
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
