I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
