Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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