p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
