Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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