you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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