you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
