Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize