he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
