I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
