I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
