that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
