I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
MIDGETS
????
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
