i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
