we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize