they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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