my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
