I'm lost and stupid without you.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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