his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize