So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
