do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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