be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
