If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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