He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
