Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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