We're facebook friends in real life
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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