Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
