good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
so much tequila, so little girl.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
