hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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