1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
