I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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