once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
