I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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