She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
