I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
