at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
