Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
