I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
