whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
