update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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