I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
