They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you had me at cake vodka
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize