____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
