How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
