if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize