made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
There are leaves in my underwear?
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