So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
is wine microwaveable?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
