i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize