Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
