from now on my penis is your penis
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
