I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
