Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
