He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
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