Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
