Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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