A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
As shirtless as possible
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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