just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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