There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
