What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize