yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
