you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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