dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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