My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
