I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize