dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
