I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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