so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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