how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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